AOS Fic: Logical Orgy

[tmbreck]

Title: Logical Orgy
Beta: tmbreck / eclectic_tongue
Rating: FRT
Pairing: Ensemble Orgy (implied)
Summary: Spock is acting strange. That's all you get, it's OOC crack!
A/N: Implied pre-orgy. Written for usstribble


Her attention was so centered on the static coming through her earpiece that Uhura didn't sense the first officer – almost casually – walking up to her until it was too late. She had just registered the feeling of something pressing on her neck when she witnessed Spock cross the bridge and push what looked to be a modified hypospray into the captain's neck.

As the turbo lift doors closed behind Spock, Uhura turned to look at Kirk , who shook his head at her stare and seemed just as bewildered as she did.

**************

Sulu exited his quarters feeling very pleased with life in general. He was on a beautiful ship with a fun captain, and his soon-to-be boyfriend would be 18 in a few short weeks. Life was good - so good, he should have known something weird was bound to happen. However, even if he had known, he wouldn't have expected that weirdness to come from Commander Spock of all people.

“Lieutenant, I require a moment of your time.”

Just as he was closing in on where Spock was standing, he saw Pavel coming down the hallway holding his neck. When the young navigator saw who the first officer was standing with, his eyes widened and he reached out a hand.

“Hikaru...”

Sulu didn't have a chance to hear what Pavel would have said as he was too busying trying to figure out what the commander had jabbed into his neck.

**************

Nurse Chapel had just finished taking inventory when she heard McCoy's unmistakable yelling. Given some of the less than flattering insults, she could only conclude he was yelling at Commander Spock.

Very much not eager to get caught in the crossfire, Christine took her time walking out into the main bay. Just as she cleared the sickbay doors, she saw the first officer pressing a hypospray into Dr. M'Benga's neck. Given the shocked look on the man's face, she could only conclude he had not volunteered.

“Commander, what are you doing?”

Watching the Vulcan advancing on her, Christine began to realize that drawing his attention was not, perhaps, her best idea ever.

McCoy walked in as she was inspecting the area on her neck that Spock had assaulted with his hypo.

“He got you two as well?”

At their nods, he strode out of the bay muttering about space madness and alien pollens.

**************

While listening to his CMO rant about pointy-eared hobgoblins, space madness, and sex pollen, Jim Kirk was beginning to wonder if he should have had his first officer detained after he had - well - not so much attacked as marked him and Uhura earlier. According to calls he had received, Spock had gotten to both Chekov and Sulu, and was last seen cornering Scotty in engineering while Keenser did his best to fight off the much taller and stronger Vulcan.

Just as he was about to call down to security to ask them to round up Spock and detain him, the commander himself came through the turbo lift doors leading a handful of Vulcans.

“And so the ones bearing this particular mark are to be excluded from the general mating pool. No exceptions.”

Jim was sure there were no shortage of things that Bones would love to say to Spock right about now, but he appeared to be having problems getting his vocal cords and mouth to work in conjunction. The rest of the bridge didn't seem to be having much better luck, either. So it was his duty, as the only person apparently capable of speech at the time, to get to the bottom of things.

“Commander, would you care to explain what's going on?”

**************

“As this is – to put it rather barbarically – my territory, I have first pick among the crew for mating purposes. Given that there was a small chance those chosen would be forced to leave the Enterprise, I chose those I felt were irreplaceable, while attempting not to appear excessive.”

There was nothing that the small group could really say to that. What it all amounted to was a Federation-sanctioned breeding program set up by the Vulcan Council. All participants would be willing, but it still unsettled some of them, though Scotty seemed contented to nod along as he devoured his sandwich.

Appearing solemn, Kirk nodded his head and folded his hands in front of him. This, of course, should have been more than enough warning for anyone who had spent any amount of time with him that something idiotic was about to come out of his mouth.

“So, what you're saying is that, in order to keep the Enterprise running smoothly, you've decided to have an orgy.”

McCoy was already mentally writing Jim's eulogy when Spock shocked the room at large.

“It's only logical, Captain.”